What the hell did I just watch? From the forces of evil that unleashed Rebecca Black's "Friday" upon the world, here is the godawful music video for "Chinese Food" by pop star wannabe Alison Gold. Who? Yeah, exactly. The video really defies description (and coherence) but it's sort of a G-rated, culturally-inappropriate, tween-friendly foodie celebration of Orientalist imagery. Yes, this video is real.
Check it, this pop hit in the making includes Mongolian barbecue, hot sauce, geishas and an extremely creepy panda man flying away on rainbow power. As you can see, you don't need scantily clad women to exoticize and objectify Asians -- kids can get in on the racist fun too! Just watch it once and be done with it:
I also like how it inexplicably includes subtitles. Here are those genius lyrics, for your reference:
After ballin'Multiple levels of awful all around. The whole thing is a big fat WTF, and I suspect that everyone -- except perhaps young Ms. Gold -- is aware of it. Someone is straight trollin' here, right? I suppose they'll be counting that YouTube money soon enough.
I go clubbin'
Then I'm huggin'
Then I'm hungry
And I'm walking on the street
And I'm getting getting getting getting grumpy grumpy
I see Chow by my right
I smell food in the air
It's Chinese food
My favorite
So I'm getting getting getting getting hungry
I love Chinese food
You know that it's true
I love fried rice
I love noodles
I love chow mein
Chow mo-mo-mo-mo-mein (WTF)
I love Chinese food
You know that it's true
I love fried rice
I love noodles
I love chow mein
Chow mo-mo-mo-mo-mein
Got the menu
They've got broccoli
Even chicken wings
Make it spicy
And you like it
'Cause it's beautiful
And it tastes so so so good
I like the egg rolls
And the wonton soup
This makes me feel so so good
Fortune cookies tell my future
Chinese Chinese food
I love Chinese food
You know that it's true
I love fried rice
I love noodles
I love chow mein
Chow mo-mo-mo-mo-mein
I love Chinese food
You know that it's true
I love fried rice
I love noodles
I love chow mein
Chow mo-mo-mo-mo-mein
I like Chinese food
And some wonton soup
Get me broccoli
While I play Monopoly
Don't be a busy bee
'Cause it's your fantasy
To eat Chinese food
Egg roll and chop suey
I use the chopsticks
To eat pot sticks
Put some hot sauce and sweet and sour make it sweet
Because Chinese food takes away my stress
Now I'm going to go eat Panda Express
I love Chinese food
You know that it's true
I love fried rice
I love noodles
I love chow mein
Chow mo-mo-mo-mo-mein
I love Chinese food
You know that it's true
I love fried rice
I love noodles
I love chow mein
Chow mo-mo-mo-mo-mein