bao phi's racist ideas for hollywood 2

Bao Phi does it again! Here's the second in his series of fake Hollywood movie ideas. To catch up with part one, go here. Stop me if you've heard this one:

THE PITCH: Grace Wong considers herself just another Chinese American photography editor of an urban sophisticate hip hop fashion magazine in New York - in love with vintage Adidas and soup dumplings and secret bars where you can actually smoke indoors while having a Cosmopolitan. But when she turns 28, her thick-tongued immigrant parents turn it up a notch, nagging her constantly about why she hasn't found a nice wealthy Chinese boy to marry. Enter her best friend, Ankur Agarwal, an aspiring gay actor facing possible deportation for attempting to rob a White Castle with a painted banana after getting thrown out of a club for drunken romping. A phony wedding banquet is planned at Jimmy Chu Lopez's restaurant and everything goes according to plan--until Smith McCain, Grace's college sweetheart, crashes her wedding in an attempt to woo her younger sister, Clementine. But his mischievous blue eyes, rumpled brown hair worn in the "I don't care how I look okay maybe I care a little bit" style, and quietly yearning gaze awakens something deep down in Grace's flustered, urban, bewildered and upwardly mobile soul, something dormant she believed long buried.

Will Clementine pout that once again, her big sis gets all the good guys? Will the immigration officials who crash their wedding be suitably impressed with Ankur's lavish Bollywood dance routine set to the new Neptunes' remix of "I'm Coming Out"? How predictably will the script attempt to justify the non-existence of an available Chinese bachelor in New York City? Will the Director of Photography know how to properly light and shoot the crispy skin duck to maximize its natural caramelization and fatty deliciousness?

Starring Michelle Krusiec as Grace, Matthew Whats-his-face as Smith McCain, and special cameo by Naughty By Nature's Treach, for no reason.

"It's like the Wedding Planner meets Eat Drink Man Woman meets Bride and Prejudice on crack and steroids mixed with a lychee martini!" - Ain't It Cool News
Like I said before, this is hilarious, but sadly, not so outrageous that it couldn't work as an actual Hollywood movie—I'm afraid we've seen worse. I guess that's why it's funny. Check back next week for another installment of Bao Phi's Movie Ideas for Racist Hollywood. Me, I eagerly await The Gangsters of Pho Street: A Musical.

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