cornell blog thinks asian suicide is funny

I'm told that after many years of student efforts to create an Asian and Asian American community center at Cornell University, the school's administration finally gave official approval and support for a center last week: Skorton expresses support for cultural center for Asian and Asian-American students. Of course, this Cornell blog used the opportunity to write a hi-larious fake post on the news, using all sorts of the usual tasteless, racist stereotypes. Pokemon reference, math nerd jokes, cat-eating, bad drivers, squinty-eyes, and oh-so-classic mixup of Rs and Ls—this one's bursting at the seams with the usual racist foolishness:
Asian Community Center to be Built Adjacent to Uris Library

President David Skorton announced the plans for the construction of an Asian Community Center at a midday press conference today. The building is to be located directly adjacent to Uris Library on the Clocktower Side, and will be designed by the famous architect I. M. Pei.

"I believe that this building will dramatically reduce the amount of Asian suicides at Cornell," Skorton announced. "We also plan to fill in the gorges with those chewy bubble tea orbs so that distraught students will have to rely on other methods."

Among the centers many features are the Pokemon Card Trading Arena, the Mi-So Slipi Lounge equipped with 100 beds for study break naps, and one-seater dining areas with calculators built into the tables. Many students are most excited, however, about the center's Lucky Sun Moon Restaurant, which features MSG, beef with broccoli, and cat-fish casserole, which incorporates not catfish but a mixture of cat and flounder.

"Our plans were substantially modified after meeting with the Asian and Asian-American community," said architect I. M. Pei. "The original plans called for an underground parking lot, but it was scrapped based on the projected amount of parking mishaps. That was something I did not foresee, perhaps because of my squinty eyes."

Most Asian students jumped for joy upon hearing the news. Student Mi-So Honee remarked, "Is so close to libelly!"

Other students were appreciative that the name was changed from the Little Rice Room Place. "Besides being a sirry name, I couldn't rearry pronounce arr those R and Ls," said Henry Joon-Kimyung-Jook.
Ah yes. Making fun of suicides among Asian American students? Classy. What is it about college campuses, where the best and brightest young minds are supposed to dwell, that always seems to foster this kind of ridiculous ignorance? And of course, this little gem was written on April 1, hiding behind the stupid pretense of April Fool's Day. Har har. Me play joke! Oh yeah, I forgot. It's supposed to be "satire." Clever, clever. No thank you. That's racist!

UPDATE: The post in question has been removed from the blog. Please take a look at the text reprinted above for future reference. The author has since written an open apology for the offending piece, offering his reasoning for writing the damn thing. Take it or leave it.

angry archive