the mummy: tomb of the dragon emperor in theaters today

The new Mummy movie, which I have been pretty much dreading all summer, opens in theaters today. The Mummy: Tomb of the Dragon Emperor, stars Brendan Fraser as an American adventurer who must stop Jet Li—the titular evil Dragon Emperor—and his resurrected undead army from taking over the world. Greeaaat.

Based on what I can tell from trailers, this movie features: 1) Michelle Yeoh. 2) Russell Wong. 3) An army of living statue terracotta warriors. 4) A multi-headed dragon. 5) Abominable snowmen. 6) Jet Li in a funny headband, as the villain. 7) An unreal, mystical fantasy version of China.

Now, in any other movie, all of these elements might've actually added up to something cool. But man, this movie really looks like stinker, and I have no desire to see it. But hey, have no fear. Once again, a brave group of white people are in the movie to save us from destruction... yet again. I'll pass.

Check out this great blog entry from TIME's Ling Liu, who I think is owed a story credit from someone at Universal: The Mummy: Tomb of the Dragon Emperor. Ling, they stole your ninth grade idea!

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