call off the search

The Balloon Boy has been found! Turns out, he was never in the balloon in the first place. 6-year-old Falcon Heene, who was said to have floated away from his home in a giant UFO-shaped balloon, was apparently safe at home the entire time as crews chased the damn thing on its long journey from the city to a farm field: Boy said to have floated off in balloon found safe.

The kid was found hiding in a cardboard box in the garage attic, not in the balloon. You've got a lot of explaining to do, little man. My guess is, the kid accidentally untethered the balloon, freaked out, and ran scared into the attic in fear of getting in trouble. Silly kid, you're in a lot more trouble now. Let the jokes begin. Everybody, get back to work.