Angry Reader of the Week: Euny Hong

"I feel at home nowhere."

Photo: Y. Kate Hong

All right, everybody. You know what's up. I would like to introduce you to the Angry Reader of the Week, spotlighting you, the very special readers of this website. Over the years, I've been able to connect with a lot of cool folks, and this is a way of showing some appreciation and attention to the people who help make this blog what it is. This week's Angry Reader is Euny Hong.

Who are you?

I'm Euny Hong, journalist and published author of two books, including The Birth of Korean Cool: How One Nation is Conquering the World through Pop Culture (Picador, August 5). Ahem. If you're in New York or Los Angeles, please come to my reading/signing for The Birth of Korean Cool. NY on August 5, LA on August 11.)

I also wrote a novel, Kept: A Comedy of Sex and Manners (Simon & Schuster, 2006). I aspire to write a book with no colon in the title.

What are you?

The one word that defines me is "expat." I feel at home nowhere. The five words that define me other than that are "French," "American," "Korean," "Jewish" and "spacey."

Where are you?

Right now, at a cafe in an undisclosed location that is playing al-Arabiya very loudly on the television.

Where are you from?

Argh. This is what I mean when I say I feel at home nowhere. I was born in the US, lived in Korea during middle school and high school, lived in Germany for three years and France for six years. I speak Korean with an American accent, French with a German accent, German with a French accent, and even my English is occasionally a bit off and non-idiomatic. According to that stupid online dialect survey circulating on social media a few months ago,my dialect is either "Ebonics, UK English, or Welsh" and my first language is Romanian. None of those things is possible.

What do you do?

I write, as mentioned, and I cook a lot. Especially when stressed. I am a keyboardist and mediocre backup singer in a French garage band.

What are you all about?

Trying to figure out how to have longer, thicker lashes. Staying out of the sun, which is our enemy. Reconciling my conflicting wishes. Also, I am struggling to overcome my allergies using various methods recommended to me. I won't go into detail because anyone who discloses their allergies to strangers is seriously risking their lives.

What makes you angry?

People who cut cheese improperly (I mean literally cut cheese, not flatulate. The latter can't be controlled. The former can.)

Guys who can't summon up the guts to ask a girl out in a straightforward fashion. One time, back when I was working at an investment bank, this guy called me at work and said that in addition to being a law student or whatever, he was "also an intern at the Massachusetts Attorney General's Office." He then asked to meet with me and my company's compliance officer about "your company's compliance problems, which you mentioned at the party on Saturday." I thought he was threatening to report me to the Securities and Exchange Commission. I knew that my co-workers sitting around my cubicle could hear the conversation very clearly and I started freaking out. That's when the super important law intern admitted he really just wanted to meet me for coffee. Like, without my compliance officer.

People who ask me to help them move.

People who ask whether I'm from South or North Korea.

Men who don't wear shirts in public.

Women who fight for the right not to wear shirts in public. (It's the men who win that fight, you pretend-feminist dummies.)

Parents who let their very young daughters dress like three-dollar whores.

People who ask me for free copies of my book. I actually made a flow chart for such people, published right here for the first time ever on Angry Asian Man's blog:

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