bao phi's racist ideas for hollywood 6

Movie fans, gather 'round. It's time for yet another so-bad-it-could-be-real movie pitch from our man Bao Phi. This is the one I've been waiting for since he started the series, based on the awesome title alone. It does not disappoint. On the musical tip:

THE TAGLINE: Miss Saigon Meets Miss Do-Me Nails!

THE PITCH: Tan Son Nhut is a Vietnamese woman orphaned after a tragic incident at a Paris By Night event involving hair spray and hot stage lights takes the lives of her parents. Raised on the mean streets of Jersey, she is forced into the toxic, exploitative world of nail salons to earn her keep. Her sleazy Vietnamese boss, Mr. Bun Bo Hue, holds out on her tips and forces her to work long, long hours for below minimum wage.

One fateful night, a plastic tub of glitter is knocked into a huge vat of nail polish remover--causing an unexpected but spectacular explosion. The Vietnamese nail workers frantically attempt to escape the rainbow eruption of nail salon materials, their arms stretching towards heaven, as if reaching for a better life... when all of a sudden, a white urban relief worker named Joe Plain, working overtime piloting his helicopter, flies over the ghetto catastrophe, and saves them all. As he reaches down, the first hand he clasps is Tan Son Nhut's--time seems to freeze, lips quiver--and they burst into song.

Will Tan Son Nhut and Joe Plain find true love? Will they band together and help the Vietnamese community rename their street Pho Street? How many lip quivering, wide-eyed songs in the key of Lea Salonga be sung towards the heavens? Featuring the soon-to-be classic songs, Land of 20,000 Sorrowful Featherless Geese Lit Afire By Napalm, OH! You Communist, and Caucasian is the Flavor of My Saviour.

Starring Anjelah Johnson as Tan Son Nhut, Mark Wahlberg as Joe Plain, 50 Cent as Joe Plain's Best Friend Diamond Donutz, and Peter O'Toole as Mr. Bun Bo Hue.
Ah yes, a classic love story for the ages, in the grand tradition of crappy racist poorly-cast musicals. Hollywood, are you reading this? (I hope not.) I can't wait to buy the Original Cast Recording and sing along with "Caucasian is the Flavor of My Saviour." Zing!

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