I don't have much to say about the new Karate Kid remake that hit theaters this weekend, except that it's not very high on my list of summer movies, and I won't be running out to the multiplex to see it anytime soon.
But then again, I don't have to... our pal Jen at Disgrasian already saw it and liveblogged the whole thing -- and brought along her mom too! Here's everything I needed to know: DISGRASIAN OF THE WEAK! Liveblogging The Karate Kid Remake With Jen's Hardass Asian Mama. A sample:
Then, they train. Basically, Jackie makes the Kid take his jacket on and off for months. It's the new Wax On, Wax Off, only it's as tedious to watch as it looks to do, and it doesn't get anyone's car all nice and shiny. Jackie and the Kid then climb a mountain together, where they see a lady doing some kind of freaky-deaky mind-control martial arts on a cobra - as in, snake - on top of a cliff, a move that looks a whole helluva lot like the Crane from the original movie.The whole thing is highly entertaining. The blog post, I mean. Granted, a complete grasp Jen's analysis requires a special appreciation of the original Karate Kid movies (i.e. Zabka, Tamlyn). Hilarious, and probably waaaaaay more fun than going to see the actual movie. Read it all here.
Oops, did I give away too much?
Back in Beijing, the Karate Kid and Mini-Tamlyn play hooky together, which involves them running all around the city with her violin. OMG IS EVERYONE IN THIS MOVIE A NERD??? But that almost makes her late for her big audition for the Beijing Academy of Music, which pisses off her parents, which makes them give the Karate Kid funny looks when they meet him. (Or is it because he's black? Hmm.) Anyway, my HAM thinks the ambiguity of Mini-Tamlyn's Hardass Asian Parents' disapproval makes Chinese people look bad (and by bad, she means, "racist"). Meanwhile, what's up with Mini-Tamlyn's white violin teacher only wearing PJ's all the time? It's just…creepy. After her audition, Mini-Tamlyn is forced by her parents to tell the Karate Kid: "We can no longer be friends. You are bad for my life." At which point I just want to hug him and say: Dude, don't take it personally. Asian parents NEVER like their children's friends, you know?
Anyway...
