"Chinese Food" somehow debuts on the Billboard Hot 100

We have failed, America.

The creepy panda wins. I had hoped that last week's post would be the first and only thing I'd ever have to write about Alison Gold's crap-tastic "Chinese Food" music video... but the damn thing shows signs that it is not going away just like that: Alison Gold's 'Chinese Food' makes shocking debut on Billboard Hot 100.

We have failed, America. The tween pop star wannabe's ode to Chinese cuisine has inexplicably debuted at number 29 on this week's Billboard Hot 100 chart and at number 5 on Billboard's Streaming Songs chart.

You can thank that ass-awful music video -- featuring hot sauce, Oriental Avenue, kid geishas and a creepy, rainbow-farting rapping panda -- for going viral (10.9 million views and counting since October 14) and propelling this shit to the top. For this blog's small part in contributing to that number, I apologize.

Damn you, Patrice Wilson, for unleashing this evil upon the world.

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