Calling all small Asian female musicians. Yet another Craigslist freak seeks your services. This weirdo want-ad for a musician was posted the other day, specifically looking for a "small Asian female multi-instrumentalist" for a rock gig. But don't worry! You don't actually have to know how to play a single note -- "just smile a lot and act like you do and the crowd will believe you have superior skills with your instrument."
Here's the full text of the ad, which gets more and more ridiculous with each requirement:
Looking for small Asian female multi-instrumentalist (Planet Hollywood)Basically, you get to be the yellow human stage accessory for rock band of "shallow men." This is apparently every small Asian woman's dream. Talk about some serious dehumanizing Harujuku Girls shit. No skills necessary, but you better be Asian, small-breasted and rocking a bowl cut. And don't forget your cello.
Looking for small Asian female multi-instrumentalist
We are looking for a small Asian woman multi-instrumentalist. I saw a band from Japan that had one and I said to myself "I gotta get one of those". You don't have to know how to play just smile a lot and act like you do and the crowd will believe you have superior skills with your instrument.
I know small Asian women dream of playing American rock music with shallow men so here is your chance. Please make sure you meet the following criteria before you reply
Must have a bowl haircut
Must wear hello kitty socks
Must have no breast
Must have small hands and a small mouth
Must own a cello
I look forward to hearing from you.