Weird-Ass Craigslist Posting, Part 45: "Seeking an Asian Wife"

"I need a personal researcher/assistant part-time to help me find the perfect female."



File this one under the wacky, weird world of Craigslist... If you're looking for some part-time work, here's a guy looking for an Asian wife -- and he needs your help! He's looking to hire an "Asian Researcher" -- preferably with Chinese or Korean language skills -- to assist him in finding "the perfect female."

Here's the text:

Craigslist apartment listing boasts "Quiet Asian neighbors"

Because Asians are apparently a very special kind of quiet.



Got this passed along to me from a reader, who spotted this curious apartment listing on Craigslist... In Philadelphia, this person needs someone to take over his or her studio apartment starting July 1. Conveniently located at Broad and Gerard, the place has a lot going for it, including almost new appliances, a big closet, hardwood floors... and -- the best part, in my opinion -- "Quiet asian neighbors."

Not just quiet neighbors, folks. Make no mistake. We're talking quiet Asian neighbors. Because everybody knows that we Asians are capable of a very special kind of quiet. Like, friggin' ninja quiet.

Hey, Jeremy. Need a place to stay in LA? Try Craigslist.

"Room available (Asian American NBA point guard preferred)"



Now that Jeremy Lin is packing his bags and headed for Los Angeles, he's going to need a place to hang his hat. While I'm sure he'll have plenty of choices among the swanky downtown lofts, if he's interested in saving a few bucks, and is feelin' something a little more humble and homelike, there's an offer on the table...

Room available (Asian American NBA point guard preferred)

Here's one Chinese American mom -- a former schoolteacher and "a HUGE Lakers fan" -- who is offering up a room in her house to Jeremy Lin, free of charge. This Craigslist posting, directed specifically to Jeremy, describes an awesome room in a house located in Redondo Beach, with all the comforts and conveniences that an Asian American NBA player might just be looking for. But you'll have to do your own laundry.

Here's the listing:

Weird-Ass Craigslist Posting, Part 23: "Looking for Small Asian Female Multi-Instrumentalist"

"Must have a bowl haircut."



Calling all small Asian female musicians. Yet another Craigslist freak seeks your services. This weirdo want-ad for a musician was posted the other day, specifically looking for a "small Asian female multi-instrumentalist" for a rock gig. But don't worry! You don't actually have to know how to play a single note -- "just smile a lot and act like you do and the crowd will believe you have superior skills with your instrument."

Here's the full text of the ad, which gets more and more ridiculous with each requirement:

Weird-Ass Craigslist Posting, Part 22: "Secrets of the Orient"

"Young, gay, Asian waiters to help out on an over-the-top gay, costume party."



Oh, hell. You've got to be kidding me. Another weird, racist gem posted to Craigslist. This one comes from the Portland area, where a guy named John recently put the call out for "2 young, gay, Asian waiters" to help out with his upcoming Asian-themed gay soiree, "The Secrets of the Orient: The Year of the Snake." Yeah. John promises "it will be awesome!" I have a strong feeling it will not be awesome:

Weird-Ass Craigslist Posting, Part 56: Seeking "Quality Asian"

Oh, the stuff you find on Craigslist. It's endlessly amusing and appalling. Like this super-crazy personal ad that I'm told has been making the rounds in API gay circles: Quality Asian for BF and Life Partner - 37.

An "Asian (Chinese American), thirty-seven y/o, 5'11" tall, 155, young looking with fit and smooth built" seeks a suitable mate for dating and possible life partnership. But you can't just be any geek off the street. You have to be a Quality Asian. This person has laid out some pretty strict guidelines for his ideal special someone, including a complex, highly specific scoring system (minimum score: 35 points).

Chinese, Taiwanese, Korean and Japanese men are preferred (+20), but if you're Vietnamese (-5) or Indian (-10), you're going to have to work overtime to impress this guy's high-ass standards:

Weird-Ass Craigslist Posting, Part 269: Asian for Hire!

Oh, the funny things you find on Craigslist. This latest gem comes from the Sacramento area, where a self-described 24-year-old Asian male ("Well-educated with an Athletic build") will be your very own Asian for hire.

Nothing shady or illegal allowed, but he will be your token Asian friend for partygoing or math tutoring. Because, hey, everybody needs at least one. Here's the full listing: